So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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