Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
