That's intense
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
