Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
