How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
