Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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