it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
