I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
birth control should be required to get into college
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
