i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
