I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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