Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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