We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
