he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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