I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
how does that bad decision feel?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
