She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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