Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
