Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
