Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
