I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
