Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
