Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
