Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
