Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
