so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
