worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
