: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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