he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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