I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
