"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
