apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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