well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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