Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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