but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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