What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
