The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
