Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
