Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
