ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
