obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
