I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
