Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
