Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
