she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Barsexuality is the new black.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
