people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
