So drunk its hurt
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
