That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
