I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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