My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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