I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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