it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
