I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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