Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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