i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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