I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
